I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
