He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
