After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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