If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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