areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
