Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
