i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize