I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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