Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
