So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
