There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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