Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
