i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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