my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just blew my weed a kiss
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
