Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
