dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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