His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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