Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
