it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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