my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
