I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
