Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
