I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
