Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
