Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
