I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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