the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
