There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
