Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he shaved USA in his pubs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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