He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
