I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
