my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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