you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
