Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found your dick twin last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
