I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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