If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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