if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
