people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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