I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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