The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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