you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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