I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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