I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
