Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize