fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
