I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
