First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
