my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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