i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
