those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
