Kiss
Puke
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
