Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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