I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
