where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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