Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
