So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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