its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize