Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
