Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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