One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
