I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
