I wish I could teleport
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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