WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
