Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
