I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
