apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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