oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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