i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
