Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
