did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
